The Secret to Fulfilling Sex

The Secret to Fulfilling Sex


The Secret To Fulfilling Sex

Talking about sex in church can be awkward. Here you are, surrounded by hundreds of people, thinking about how to be a servant lover of your spouse. So before we step up to a new level of discomfort, let’s start the conversation with Jesus.

The Servant God

Jesus came to earth as the Servant God. He said of himself, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). Jesus instructed his disciples that to be truly great is to be a trusted servant (Matthew 23:11–12). He even described serving someone’s critical needs as an act of worship (Matthew 25:40). Jesus himself is the Servant. Those who follow him are identified by serving each other like Jesus.

Servant Lovers

But we have a huge problem: We aren’t servants by nature. Rather, we are selfish.

This sin manifests in all parts of our life, including the bedroom. Selfishness destroys every aspect of intimacy in marriage, especially sexual intimacy.

Transforming from selfish lover to servant lover takes more than willpower. We need Jesus.Philippians 2:5–7 reads:

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

The change from selfish to servant requires a new identity, both in mind and in form. According to Philippians, this mind is exactly what Jesus gives us: it is “yours in Christ Jesus”! We don’t experience change through doing more and trying harder. We change by turning from selfishness to trusting in Jesus and the new identity he gives us.

Invite the Holy Spirit

True change cannot come apart from our Servant, Jesus. He works in our lives by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Here are some ways that you can invite the Holy Spirit to apply God’s grace, bring transformation, and help you serve your spouse:

  • Ask your spouse to share with you examples of your selfishness in your sex life. Be earnest in seeking forgiveness and reconciliation.
  • Ask your spouse to share with you his or her needs you could better serve in the bedroom. Encourage specific conversation. Be sincere in your desire to meet those needs.
  • With love and respect, honestly communicate your own struggles related to experiencing freedom and/or setting boundaries in sexual intimacy.

Remember This

As you have these conversations with your spouse, remember that sexual intimacy doesn’t really begin in the bedroom, nor is it achieved through sexual acts only. Intimacy, or oneness, is something to be nurtured everywhere at all times. Serving your spouse in the everyday, routine tasks of life glorifies God as an act of worship, and is a vital component for a fulfilling sex life.

This “The Secret to Fulfilling Sex” article was written by Pastor Dave Bruskas on Mar 11, 2012

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